Random and Ridiculous Shit My Boss Says

inside the mind of an over the top CEO, curated by a sometimes horrified but always entertained Executive Assistant

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Category: observations about life

  • logical explanations

on Hold

  • Posted on April 23, 2018
  • by thomaslascind

I’m on the phone….. me: with humans? or hold music still? boss: it’s the IRS. Not sure they are human.

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  • life goals

Daughters

  • Posted on October 15, 2017
  • by thomaslascind

If it were just a few generations ago, I could give him a goat and buy his daughters for marriage, babies, deviant shit and chores. Unfortunately, at my age, I…

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  • logical explanations

Salem Witch Trials

  • Posted on October 15, 2017
  • by thomaslascind

Here’s how that fucking went down. They were actually jays trying to tie them up for some fun and someone’s wife walked in. They saw the sea of hot women…

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  • observations about life

Sass is like plural for ass.

  • Posted on October 15, 2017
  • by thomaslascind
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  • observations about life

On people

  • Posted on October 15, 2017
  • by thomaslascind

It annoys me when people don’t pay attention. And when they are dip shits.

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  • observations about life

Sincerity

  • Posted on October 15, 2017
  • by thomaslascind

BJ’s add sincerity to everything. It’s like salt or pepper. Things are bland without them.

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  • observations about life

On email

  • Posted on August 27, 2017
  • by thomaslascind

So my email has been a pain in the ass, and so i do this thing where I make it “get info” which makes it go through this thing to…

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  • observations about life

ON magic BJ’s

  • Posted on August 26, 2017
  • by thomaslascind

Me: Her boyfriend is way cuter than she is. Boss the magic power of a good BJ.

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  • life goals

On getting away with homicide

  • Posted on August 26, 2017
  • by thomaslascind

Bosss: or you could OD someone. Most people have their own prescription pain pills. me: OMG I could totally OD someone with the PERCS my grandma has Boss: see. You’re…

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  • observations about life

Marine Biology

  • Posted on August 25, 2017
  • by thomaslascind

How the fuck do manatees even exist anymore? They are like these giant donuts swimming around in an ocean full of hungry stoned sharks and shit.

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