Boss: right? Don’t get any ideas though, I’m usually far less tactful. Letting you see that is like letting my mom know that I can iron.

I walked in here and my nuts turned to ice cubes. They were clanking like it was a rendition of jingle bells.

You can discriminate all you want, just not on legally protected things. Like I can very well discriminate on the basis of being an ugly bitch idiot. Just like having…

Boss: is it a stripper gram?

Me: which is? Boss: I pretend I’m doing it.