when i die i want to look back on life and feel accomplished- what better than to be able to say “bitches paid me to suck my cock” #lifegoals
i have this tendancy in relationships where i find a pretty independent bitch, and then spoil her too much with doing stuff and pretty soon she’s not independent doesn’t hang…
and she’s like- well do you guys think you’ll get back together and try to work on things? I told them that sure sounds a lot like relationship chemo
i had to close the myriad of ass pictures from the chive on my screen, and close out the spam emails for anal orgasm porn, dungeon furniture and bdsm toys…
I tied her up with a USB cable. I should be getting a high five from Steve Jobs’ ghost or some such award for fucking inventiveness.
I don’t know how to turn incompatible super powers into a fucking breakup talk.